MEDICAL !!!!

[Tiger]

 :) Just for a laugh.......... ;D BUT supposed to be true.... :o

Subject: Medical Exams ...

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's
going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my
stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San? Antonio, TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"? I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the
patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard? Byrnes, Seattle,? WA


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct.? Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr.? Susan Steinberg


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to
put on a new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him
quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,? VA



5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, "How? long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered "Why,
not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis,? OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this? morning?" "It's very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit,? MI


7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery.? When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which
said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by? RN no name


AND? FINALLY!!!................


8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in? OB, I
was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic
exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged
lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry.? Was I tickling you?" She replied,? "No doctor,
but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name