Tuesday's Smile Time.......

[Tiger]

;D 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

;D 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

;D 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

;D 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

;D 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

;D 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

;D 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

;D 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

;D 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

;D 10. Is there another word for synonym?

;D 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

;D 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

;D 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

;D 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

;D 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

;D 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

;D 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

;D 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

;D 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

;D 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

;D 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

;D 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

;D 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

;D 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

;D 25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

;D 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

;D 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

;D 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

;D 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S" in it?

;D 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "ass-teroids"?

;D 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

;D 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

;D 33. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?


;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D 

[YellowJacket!]

Oh Tiger,  I'm wheezing again.  I really needed a good laugh after my busy day at the hospital.

;D ;D  ;D

[Brian Moffet]

;D 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

I don't know, but when I was in college (a long time ago) I tried to fail a math class, because I knew it wasn't going to go well (I was past the drop date, and we had pass/no-pass grading at the time.)  I failed failing the math class.

I thought not showing up to the final would work, but apparently not...

Brian

[YellowJacket!]

Quote: 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "S" in it?


29.5 Whose crazy idea was it to name dyslexia for people who mix up letters?

Vadid

[Serendipity]

Here is Fl we really identify with the "Tourist season" concept. 'Course we call 'em Snowbirds. Unfortunately I never seem to be able to purchase the Snowbird stamp in the Walmart Hunting dept.  ;)

[kiawrench]

we call them snow pigs,, then can get a wild hawg permit... but the darn thing has stipulations-
we only get to shoot the 330 lb ones, wearing spandex micro shorts and thong panties with flip flops on while riding bunny seat behind a 79 lb guy with gold teeth , his hat on sideways and a wall clock for a necklace .(esp scary after sun goes down,, as they are still wearing dark wayfarer type sunglasses and ignoring stop lights and posted travel zone signs 

    every time it rains we have a glut of these type scenes zipping in and out of traffic,, no helmet, no gloves, no common sense-----
      i think it should be open season on those in particular,, i have kids,,, if they needed to see that, i would buy a big bag of gummy bears and lay them in hot sun for a few minutes,,,