Blonde farting joke and any others you have.

[vadasz1]

A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every  morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".

But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.

The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"

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Why Blondes are dumb
After seeing a beautiful blond walking by a man says to himself, "God, why did you make blonde's so beautiful?"

To his surprise God responded, "So you would love them."

"But God", the man replied, "Why did you make blondes so dumb?"

God replies, "So they would love you."


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First Day
A blonde school teacher started her first job at a primary school and was eager to make a good impression on the kids. So, when she noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess, while the other kids were playing a game of soccer, she walked up to him and asked "Are you alright ?"

The boy assured her everything was fine and the teacher left it at that. A few minutes later, however, she noticed that the boy was still standing alone and had not joined the other boys.

Deciding to find out what was wrong this time, the teacher approached him again and said, " Hi, are you sure you're not feeling left out? Would you like me to be your friend ?"

The boy obviously felt a little embarrassed, but after a little hesitation said, "Maybe". Encouraged by her progress, the teacher asked, "Tell me, why are you standing here alone?"

"Because", the boy said with clear exasperation in his voice. "I am the goalie.

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Bottom Deodorant
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant.  "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.

"But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"

The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms".

"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here":

"To apply, push up bottom"

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Spit the Dummy
A ventriloquist is performing in a small comedy club and just finishing a round of dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly a big blonde in the audience stands up and shouts: "OK I've had enough, this is not funny. Stop telling those stupid denigrating blonde jokes. Why do you think that a person's hair colour has anything to do with his or her qualities as a human being?"

"I didn't mean to offend you", the ventriloquist starts to reply.  Before he can say anything else, however, the blonde interrupts:

"You better stay out of this mister, it's that little bloke on your knee I am talking to!"

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Dirty carburettor
Getting bored with driving her old car, Madonna decided to pay a visit to her local dealer. An hour later, she was the proud new owner of a beautiful Jaguar convertible.

Her long blond hair flowing in the wind, Madonna took the car on her first drive, planning to spend the afternoon on a  long and pleasant trip in the country. Unfortunately, her initial excitement soon disappeared when after only an half hour the engine began to sputter and the car slowly came to a halt.

After a few futile attempts to start the car again, Madonna used her mobile phone to contact the dealer who promised to send a mechanic straight away. Half an hour later, the mechanic arrived, and within a few minutes the engine was again purring like a cat.

"What was the matter", Madonna asked? "Nothing serious", the mechanic replied. "Just crap in the carburettor!"

"Oh ...", Madonna said, and a shocked expression appeared on her face.

" How often do I have to do that"

Jigsaw puzzle
One day, Madonna phoned her best friend and said with an upset voice, "I've been trying to get this jigsaw puzzle together, but I just don't know where to start! "

"What kind of puzzle is it?", asked her friend. "Oh, I don't know!", Madonna said, "It has a rooster on the box and there are so many pieces. Can't you come over and help me to get started, please?"

Madonna being Madonna, the friend hurries over. "Where  is this puzzle", she asks.

"On the table", Madonna replies.

With a surprised look on her face, the friend turns around and says, "Funny, just put the corn flakes back in the box"