The right man for the job

[ps2/bikevision]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and after they discovered that the husband was sterile, they decided to use a surrogate  father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, our donor should be here soon, and it  may be awkward if I'm here.  I know this is difficult honey, but just think of the baby we will soon be able to call our own. I  love you."  With that he left.

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Do you know that babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

As soon as they sat down she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"No need to worry, Ma'am.  Just leave everything to me. I think it works best to have a variety, so I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes right on the living room rug is fun.  You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room rug?!? Oh my!  No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me.  We usually just tried once a day in the dark bedroom!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good result every time, but it works so much better in the light so you can see what you're doing. Plus, I've found that if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, then I'm sure we'll get one that works and you'll be very pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed  with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer then opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This first one was made on the client's couch.  The next was done in a car, and this one's a bit unusual -- it was made on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. But of course that attracted a crowd.  People  were crowding around four and five deep just to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "But if you stay focused on what you're doing you can almost forget they're there.  But in this  case the mother couldn't do that.  She was constantly squealing and yelling and kept trying to tell me how to move and what angle to  use, and yelling at the people to 'go away' at the same time. I could hardly concentrate, so it took almost three hours.  And when darkness approached I had to rush my shots."

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Squirrels!  Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes... but not to worry.  It's pretty hard and the squirrels didn't even scratch it. Plus I put my equipment into a protective case when I'm not using it."

"Really?  A case?"  Mrs. Smith gasped.

"I have to.  When you have a precision instrument, you want to take care of it."

The photographer then leaned forward and said. "Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod????"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

At that point, Mrs. Smith fainted....

[haunter]

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