> *Men Are Just Happier People*
>
> *
> *What do you expect from such simple creatures?
>
> Your last name stays put.
>
> The garage is all yours.
>
> Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>
> Chocolate is just another snack.
>
> You can be President.
> You can never be pregnant.
>
> You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
>
> You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
>
> Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>
> The world is your urinal.
>
> You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
> one is just too icky.
>
> You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
>
> Same work, more pay.
>
> Wrinkles add character.
>
> Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
>
> People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
>
> New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
>
> One mood all the time.
>
>
> Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
>
> *You know stuff about tanks.
> *
> A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
>
> You can open all your own jars.
>
> You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>
> If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
>
> Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
>
> Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
>
> You almost never have strap problems in public.
>
> You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
>
> Everything on your face stays its original color.
>
> The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>
> You only have to shave your face and neck.
>
> You can play with toys all your life.
>
> One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
>
> You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
>
> You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
>
> You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
>
> You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
>
> No wonder men are happier.
>
> *NICKNAMES**
> *� If Laura , Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
> other Laura , Kate and Sarah.
>
> � If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
> each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman.
>
> *EATING OUT**
> *� When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20,
> even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
> smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
>
> � When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
> *MONEY**
> *� A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
>
> � A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
>
> BATHROOMS
> � A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
> shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
>
> � The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
> A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
>
> *ARGUMENTS**
> *� A woman has the last word in any argument.
>
> � Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
> *FUTURE**
> *� A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>
> � A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>
> *MARRIAGE**
> *� A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
>
> � A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
>
>
> *DRESSING UP**
> *� A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
> trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
>
> � A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
> *NATURAL**
> *� Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
>
> � Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
>
> *OFFSPRING**
> *� Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
> dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
> secret fears and hopes and dreams.
>
> � A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
>
>
>
> *THOUGHT FOR THE DAY**
> *A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
> remembering the same thing!
>
> SO... send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle
> it....
>
> and the men who will enjoy reading it.
>
> If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed... if you do read
> the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
My favorite: "You know stuff about tanks."
Runner-up: "Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night."
:D ;D
Quote from: Rikugun on February 02, 2013, 08:18:01 PM
"Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night."
That's the alcohol wearing off.
touche' ;D
one to add
animals:
a woman can explain the difference between a dog and a fox
to a man it is just two beers and closing time