recent job application..

[Lucky]

Jiffy 7-11
Job Application

NAME: Joe Torre

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Oritz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for upper management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: Medflys.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any 2 to 3 hour stretch, between 7:30 to 9:30 pm, but will stay later if needed.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, Arguing with authority & spitting

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:  Well, I did have a team limo…

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


SIGN HERE: Aries.

[Aelwulf]

Heh.  There was one like this supposedly done for McDonald's, and the kid got the job just because of the creativity on it.  Whether true or not I dunno, but I'd probably hire 'em then give 'em a shot as assistant manager. :P