Author Topic: Pun-ishment  (Read 2693 times)

Re-Vision

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Pun-ishment
« on: February 01, 2013, 04:52:24 PM »
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

Earthquake in Washington, DC. Obviously the government’s fault.

BDC

Rikugun

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2013, 09:23:00 PM »
Nice! Thanks for making me chuckle!  ;D
It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is then to persist in delusion, however satisfying or reassuring.  Carl Sagan

Re-Vision

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2013, 08:52:05 PM »
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” when we are already there?
10. Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
12.. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
13.. Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonetic” not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

fret not

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2013, 01:13:25 AM »
Bobby, you have been spending too much time listening to George Carlin.  I would guess it was fun, though.  I always had a good time listening to him. ;)
Retired, on the downhill slide. . . . . . . . still feels like going uphill!

supervision

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2013, 06:56:55 PM »
  How come at a riders meeting they already new each other?
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YellowJacket!

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2013, 02:17:35 PM »
it was an uphill battle then he suddenly went downhill fast.

David


Living the dream - I am now a Physician Assistant!!   :-)

kiawrench

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2013, 05:38:53 PM »
a little boy had a question for the pilot of the plane he was flying in:
" if big dogs make little dogs ,and big cats make little cats, and if big horses make little horses,,,, what do big planes make?"


i will let this stew for a bit, then post answer
keep your bike running,your beer cold ,and your passport handy.all are like money in the bank .

iain

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2013, 10:33:05 PM »
Whats the answer ???


Iain
NZ

kiawrench

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2013, 06:49:12 PM »
ok,, waited long enough: 
   "big planes do not make anything- Virgin Airlines always pulls out on time"   
keep your bike running,your beer cold ,and your passport handy.all are like money in the bank .

fret not

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2013, 01:17:54 AM »
GROAN! ::)
Retired, on the downhill slide. . . . . . . . still feels like going uphill!

Rikugun

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Re: Pun-ishment
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2013, 09:44:26 AM »
cute but it lost a little umph in the wait.....   :)
It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is then to persist in delusion, however satisfying or reassuring.  Carl Sagan