Smile time...on hump day!!!

Started by Tiger, January 17, 2007, 06:02:55 AM

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Tiger

 ;D...There has to be something here for avery-one... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :D :D :D

;D...Subject: IDIOTS


Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing arotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end ofthe conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.??
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run

Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent??the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy........ but you still get a sign

Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later...This guy definitely needs a sign.

Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign...

Idiot Number Seven of 2006 Arkansas:

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign?? Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here...I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."...From Kingman , KS .

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef... Yep...From Kansas City !

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied,
"If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
Shes a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing"
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often"
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !

;D ;D :D...HAVE A GREAT DAY, FOLK'S... ;D ;D ;D :D :D :D
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming HOOOOYA lets go again baby !!!!!!

'82 Vision, Pearl Orange finish, lots of up-grades!!!

Lucky

Not For Children!
you may have seen this already, (perverts!) but i laughed my head off!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QClRruyWrQk
enjoy! --Lucky
1982/3 XZ550 Touring Vison, Gold on Black

Brian Moffet

Quote from: Tiger on January 17, 2007, 06:02:55 AM
IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

This reminded me of a problem we have here in Santa Cruz (and other places with Mockingbirds).  We have these devices that do a two-tone whistle of sorts to let blind people know the light has changed to walk.  Unfortunately, we also have a large population of Mockingbirds.  As you can probably guess, Mockingbirds imitate sounds very well if they hear them often enough.  Unfortunately, a local gang have started imitating the cross-walk signal tones.

Brian

MotorPlow

Quote from: Tiger on January 17, 2007, 06:02:55 AM


IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here...I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."...From Kingman , KS .

   

We recently got a call at the police department from a young lady who had just moved from Northern Virginia (Urban No. Va.). She had purchased a nice piece of property in Rural Franklin County and had a very nice house built. She called because there was a bear out behind her house. She just couldn't understand why we weren't coming out to her house to "capture" it. We tried and tried to explain that bears live out in the country and they were there before she built her house.

Tiger

Quote from: Lucky on January 17, 2007, 08:33:50 AM
Not For Children!
you may have seen this already, (perverts!) but i laughed my head off!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QClRruyWrQk
enjoy! --Lucky

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :D :D :D...1st time I've seen it!!! ;D ;D :D :D greaaaat laugh ;D ;D :D :D :D
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming HOOOOYA lets go again baby !!!!!!

'82 Vision, Pearl Orange finish, lots of up-grades!!!

YellowJacket!

Heres some after hump day humor:

Redneck Man's pick up lines

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

and.... the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.


Living the dream - I am now a Physician Assistant!!   :-)