THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE in 6 easy lessons

[ps2/bikevision]

> LESSON 1:
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
> and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
> next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800
> to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
> towel
> and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
> and
> leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
> she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
> "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband
> says,
> "did he say anything about th e $800 he owes me?"
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY:
> If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
> shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
>
>
> LESSON 2:
> A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
> her
> gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling
> the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father,
> remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he
> let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
> remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is
> weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
> way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will fin d glory."
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY:
> If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
> opportunity.
>
>
> LESSON 3:
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
> when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The
> Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!"
> says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
> without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says
> the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
> personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my
> life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY:
> Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> LESSON 4:
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
> the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The
> eagle
> answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
> eagle
> and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
> it.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
>
>
> LESSON 5:
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
> top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well,
> why don't you nibble on some of my dr oppings?" replied the bull. They're
> packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
> actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
> top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of
> the tree.
>
> MORAL OF THE STORY:
> Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
>
>
> LESSON 6:
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
> froze
> and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a
> cow
> came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the
> pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
> actually
> thawing him out! He lay the re all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
> for
> joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
> pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
>
> MORALS OF THE STORY:
> (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
> (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
> (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
>
>
> THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

[don_vanecek]

love it!

[dj]

Thanks for the late afternoon pick me up.  I needed that.

Great joke.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[haunter]

read it before, still great!~

[YellowJacket!]

Thanks for the late afternoon pick me up.  I needed that.

Great joke.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Heh heh heh......  Its really not a joke.  I had it framed and on my wall when I was a manager. ;D

David

[mustang_pg]

lol  ;D i just got out of a hard day of work and i am a production supervisor ... and even how funny the stories are they are very, very true!! I love it!